Missing
by Fia Fialena
Summary: A letter written from Draco to Harry, explaining why he left.


**Author:** Fianna

**Summary:** A letter written from Draco to Harry, explaining why he left.

**Disclaimer:** JK owns it, I don't. I don't want to make any money out of this either. I do this just for fun. Lyrics borrowed from Evanescence's "Missing". I don't own.

**Warning:** As usual - slash and angst.

**Notes:** Inspired by Evanescence's "Missing'. Lovely song, really.

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**Missing**

I have words lining up in my head, but I'm not sure how to put them on here. I feel them and I acknowledge them, but I can't seem to... I can't seem to let them out. You always said I was bad at putting things into words.

I don't really know what to say... I'm sorry is too obvious. Not to mention the fact that I'm not really. But I don't know what else I could say. I don't even know if I should say anything, I'm doubting as I'm writing this and it'll probably never get sent...

But somehow I had to try, you know. I had to... I had to see if I can. If I'm able to tell you why and how.

_Please, please forgive me,  
But I won't be home again.  
Maybe someday you'll look up,  
And, barely conscious, you'll say to no one:  
"Isn't something missing?"_

Because I know you want to know, I know you're asking yourself the question every day and every night. I know you're wondering whether it's your fault, whether you could have prevented it. I know you care now, when you couldn't care before. I know that you're asking yourself whyyou did what you didevery day again.Or rather what you didn't do.Whyyou didn't show interest. Maybe then I'd still be there.

I was dying. I was vanishing a little puff of smoke, because of you. I was there for you always, and you never acknowledged me, my words, my actions. You didn't _see_ me. You saw _through_ me.

I gave up everything I had for you, my whole life was sacrificed to be with you, but you...

_Even though I'm the sacrifice,  
You won't try for me, not now.  
Though I'd die to know you love me,  
I'm all alone._

You didn't seem to care. You lived in a closed space, and never allowed me in. You never did anything for me. I felt so alone, Harry. I was there with you, and I loved you, but it was like you were a shell. Like nothing I did was ever important enough for you to notice. And the worst part was that I was so dependant of you. I lived by your feet as your little pet, living for the times you happened to pat me. I sat there, eager for whatever you threw at me, not caring about the times you didn't. I always sat there, and I was always there, and you knew it. You knew I would stay there when those pats came fewer and eventually almost disappeared. You counted on it. You took it for granted. You took _me_ for granted.

I hated myself for loving you, but I couldn't stop it. I hated you for doing this to me. I hated myself for allowing you to do this to me, for tying myself to you. I hated you because you took advantage of me. But most of all I hated myself for being such a coward. For not daring to stand up to you, scared that if I did the little pats would disappear entirely.

I kept living there, craving for the little things you threw at me every once and then. It was against all I was and all I had ever wanted to be, but I did it anyway. For you. Because I loved you. I held on, clinging to the hope that you'd come to your senses. Before it was to late.

But you didn't.

_And if I bleed, I'll bleed,  
Knowing you don't care.  
And if I sleep just to dream of you  
I'll wake without you there,  
Isn't something missing?  
Isn't something..._

So I did the first thing on my own that I had done since we got together. I left you. And I won't come back.

You can cry all you want, and you can yell all you want, but I'm not coming back. I hope you suffer, and I hope you are in a lot of pain, because Lord knows, I have been. And I still am.

But I won't condemn myself to that life again. I will not come running back the first time you ask me, because I am more than that. I'm more than just your little lapdog, Harry. I will not let you toss me around, and I will not let you fuck with me. Not anymore. No matter how much it hurts, no matter how much I crave for you.

Goodbye Harry. I hope you suffer in the loneliness, and I hope you suffer even more knowing that you owe it all to yourself.

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Please review? I'll give you a cookie if you do. grin


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